Will Rachel Killington’s optimism about her work in local radio see her through the dark winter evenings? Approaching 25Although I am reluctant to admit it, even to myself, I have started to feel very old recently.  It’s my birthday in eight weeks’ time, and although that in itself doesn’t seem very scary, whilst aimlessly filling in a survey bulletin posted by one of my friends on MySpace, I was asked my age…then the realisation hit me that I’m going to be a quarter of a century old…and I find that fact terrifying.
Yes I know that in the whole big scheme of things, being 25 isn’t that bad. But rewind ten years, and I had planned my life to be very different... I remember filling in my Record of Achievement in year 10 of high school. I had it all mapped out. I was going to go to drama school - the Liverpool Institute of Performing Arts to be precise. After that I’d be snapped up by a major record label/ television programme/ theatre company. Fame and fortune would obviously ensue, and a gorgeous fellow thespian (resembling Heath Ledger) would declare his undying love for me. By 25 I had anticipated being married, living in an apartment overlooking the Thames, making a great deal of money as an actress/singer in a job I adored with a husband (and possibly children) that adored me too. But that obviously didn’t happen, and I hadn’t really thought much about it… until now. Seasonal boutsI know some of my current despondency is situational - I have very little spare cash following the Christmas excesses, and I’m not well at the moment. I hate being ill, and try to keep working through the inevitable seasonal bouts of sore throats and sniffles, but this time I have had to admit defeat. Not only have I got some evil flu-like virus (it has been suggested that it is in fact the Plague, since almost everyone around me seems to be dropping like flies), but I’ve also somehow managed to injure the muscles in my neck. Any sudden movement is agony, so the main symptoms of said ‘plague’- sneezing and coughing every couple of minutes - only exacerbate my pain. And short of sporting an ‘Avid Merrion’-esque neck brace, there isn’t a lot I can do. I guess I’ll have to just hope it heals. Quickly. Maybe some of my ‘third of my life crisis’ can also be directly connected to the fact it’s still winter, and I’m sure it’s been winter for the last ten years at least. January is possibly the most depressing month ever, and it’s very hard to be continually optimistic whilst battling through sleet, rain and biting winds, whilst there is still too much month left at the end of the money. I’m not the only one to find January/February a struggle - friends have assured me that following the excitement and anticipation of Christmas, it’s hard to keep your sparkle: people are often stressed due to lack of money and credit card debt, irritable due to the constraints of unachievable New Year resolutions such as giving up smoking and losing weight, and miserable because of the weather. I’m sure Seasonal Affective Disorder affects us all in some way, and summer sunshine, flip flops, bikinis, barbeques and beer gardens are all but a dim and distant memory at this time of year. This uninsured lifeSo here I am - almost 25. Theoretically I have been a ‘grown up’ for a long time already, but, on the whole, I still feel unprepared for all the responsibility that ‘adult’ status entails. I am up to my eyes in student debt. I have yet to place a toe, let alone a whole foot on the property ladder. I don’t have a pension or life insurance, and even seemingly undemanding everyday tasks such as remembering to tax my car often slip my mind. Yet in other ways I do feel like an adult - I prefer cosy nights in front of the telly to raucous evenings drinking and dancing until the early hours. I keep bread in the freezer and longlife milk in the cupboard in case of emergencies. If I’m working the next day I’m in bed at a reasonable hour, and I know which washing powder is most efficient at 30 degrees. I suppose the simple answer is that my long term goals are just taking a lot longer to achieve than I had initially anticipated - a fact I had blatantly overlooked in my adolescent naivety. Yet I still can’t blank out the mental images of me - old and grey, still a spinster, stuck on ‘the shelf’ with nobody to love me and 15 cats to keep me company. Far fetched? Maybe… but maybe I’m not the only one thinking that way… Tim’s experienceA colleague of mine, Tim, who is also my age, admitted it’s all too easy to get downhearted at this time of year. He explained: ‘January…It’s the month of the year I have least work on…which is good for a bit of chill time, but not so good for money…Do I get depressed? Yeah…Plus it’s always at this time of year I get most pessimistic about building my career. This time last year I was contemplating jacking radio in. Not necessarily very seriously, but, you know, having some doubts. I think it’s all the time you spend indoors with not much else to occupy the mind, you tend to get a bit depressed with life in general. Until last week I felt the same this year, but I now feel just as optimistic as normal.’ I guess I need to look at the positives. I am very lucky in that I have a wonderful, supportive family, and fantastic friends. I have a gorgeous boyfriend (Neil) that for some unknown reason thinks I’m perfect, and I adore him too. Plus he’s also in radio, so can empathise with my situation. On airI may not be earning megabucks or living in my apartment over the Thames, but career wise I’m content, and I realise a lot of people would love my job. I know my role inside out, and I also know that I’m good at what I do. The feedback I received from my Programme Controller regarding my Christmas Day presenting debut was amazingly positive and encouraging, and he actually said it was a very good decision on his part to give me the chance to contribute on a live show. Although work is slow at the moment, I know there are lots of opportunities coming up in 2007, and I’ve been told I’m expected to be part of them, which is encouraging. And now I’ve been able to show what I would be capable of on air, who knows what will happen in the future? I’m aware that I’m a long way off where I need to be with my voice, but I know it has improved a lot. I’m determined to keep working hard until I get where I want to be with my career, and I’m so grateful for being given the chance to prove myself on Christmas Day. If anything, it’s just made me even more eager to succeed. I absolutely love working in radio - it’s the medium I’ve always wanted to be in, and it’s the only thing I really know how to do well. I always knew presenting would be a very difficult career to pursue, but I’ve never really gone for the ‘easy’ option anyway, and don’t plan to start now. Neil has a particular philosophy on life that he delights in quoting at me - ‘There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going’. And although I’m reluctant to admit it (mostly due to stubbornness and female pride), I’m beginning to see just how right he is. (But only just this once…) See Rachel's previous job logs: | 
