Soon to leave Taiwan and TEFLing behind, Laura Carr explains what’s driving her to the airport. It’s orange for ‘go’The following two questions were asked of me on the weblog feedback link the other week. 1. Why does Laura want to leave Taiwan so much? 2. Is it possible that she will stay?  The second question is easy enough to answer – absolutely not. The first question is a little more difficult.
Many foreigners complain about the terrible pollution in the city and how awful it makes them feel. They reminisce about the pure, crisp air in their native Canada. Well, hailing from Middlesbrough, I can’t say that the air pollution bothers me all that much. True, I’m covered in grime by the end of the day, but it’s nothing that a shower won’t fix. Foreigners also like to go on and on about how horrible and chaotic the traffic is. There’s no denying that. Traffic rules here are not definite, merely guidelines. For example the green light means ‘go’, the orange light means ‘go’ and the red light means ‘slow down, check for other vehicles, check for police and then go’. Every day I have near-misses when the multitude of SUV morons swerve at full speed round corners, or pull out unexpectedly. I am constantly reminded just how vulnerable I am when I catch sight of injured scooter folk sitting in varying degrees of pain by the side of the road. But the lack of respect for road rules makes getting around a very nifty process. And the petrol’s cheap. And my scooter’s a lovely shade of red. No problemSome foreigners get ripped off by their bosses, have turbulent relationships with their Taiwanese co-workers, can’t stand teaching, hate the sight of kids etc etc etc. Luckily, I’ve managed to bypass all the major problems faced at work by getting myself into a good school. They expect a lot of us, and we don’t have nearly enough time to get it done in school hours, and they regularly make us dress up in stupid outfits but overall, I’m onto a good deal. Lots of foreign girls are mad at the foreign boys because most of them are only interested in Taiwanese girls. The leagues have shifted to a male advantage here: Total losers who would struggle to pull at a student meat market find that, once on Taiwanese soil, they’re actually considered desirable by a lot of beautiful women. Even worse, thirty-something, balding men with unattractive beer bellies suddenly think it’s acceptable to write about how ugly foreign girls are in the free local magazines they print. I can’t say I’m bothered by the lack of available men since I have a boyfriend and even if I didn’t, I reckon I could deal without one for a while. As for the thirty-something insulters, I’m comforted by the fact that most of them will have to return to their home-countries one day and all they’ll have to show for their time in Taiwan is said beer belly and years of teaching experience when they don’t even want to go into teaching. They’ll also be in a lowly position in the love-league once again (hissssss). Three reasonsSo, why do I want to get out of Taiwan in such a hurry? Well, first of all, it’s not just me I’ve got to consider these days … I’ve got Charlie to think about now. Being stuck in an apartment all day is no way for a young cat to live. The stash of toys, cat-tree, cat-tunnel and multi-leveled house I made out of cardboard boxes just aren’t good enough for her. She should be out chasing flies, eating grass and pooing in the neighbours’ garden! Second of all, I really need to think about getting myself on some kind of career ladder. Staying in Taiwan for a few more years won’t do me any favours when it comes to getting a job in the UK. Unless you’re lucky enough to get into some sort of management position, which is highly unlikely, teaching is pretty much all there is to do here, and I’ve done that for two years now so I’ve already got that experience. Thirdly, and most importantly, I want to be with my friends and family again. I’ve been away from England for three years now and I’m tired of making new friends, only to have them leave a few months later. I miss that feeling of being around people who know you inside out and back to front, of knowing that I can be a total dragon and they won’t bat an eyelid, or even better, they’ll tell me to pull myself together. The reality of being back home will, of course, be significantly less rosy than I imagine. My friends are scattered all over the country and train fares being the extortion they are, I’ll rarely get to see them anyway. I can guarantee that my mum and I will have a fight about how untidy I am within the first week of my being back. My dad will try and argue with me about why Bob Geldof is actually a baddie for buddying up to Tony Blair and organising pop concerts instead of trying to kick-start a revolution. My middle sister will try to pluck my eyebrows and dye my hair and my older sister will force me to make up for two years of baby-sitting absence by inviting me round for a cup of tea and then making a run for it. But still, I miss them. Jobs on the agendaJust before I go, I’m proud to announce that I have finally done something on the career-front. I have applied for not one, but two jobs! They’re both in further education colleges – one is a teaching position and one is a support position. I’d love to get either job but I’m not overly optimistic as, even if I did get offered an interview, I don’t think I’ll be in the country at that time. But even if nothing comes from either job, at least I know there are vacancies out there that interest me. Three more teaching days and four more weeks to go! Would you stay abroad? Do you have a beer belly? Send comments to Laura.
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