Jennysha's job log: 14
Jennysha Patel
- August 2009.
The story so far… Jennysha graduated three years ago, and is looking for ways into publishing. Meanwhile she combines work in a bookshop and a library.
What price dreams?
I’ve been looking forward to writing this blog all week and more. I think it’s because I hoped it would help to clarify things for me. To set the scene, in my last blog I was talking about moving out and how I need to do it and it will happen this year. Since writing that, I have viewed some places. I think I went into
Unfortunately, though, my self-inflicted ban from thinking meant I hadn’t really taken into consideration how much everything will cost and the rather long list of what is involved in my monthly expenditure. Sounds silly I know, but I am away with the fairies at the best of times. So it’s not really that surprising, and with matters of the heart, who can say that sense is ever involved? So, anyway I felt extremely deflated and pretty much like a big loser. Here I am bragging about how I’m going to move out and it’s going to be great and I’ve wanted to do it for years. Even Ugly Betty, my idol (I’m serious), has moved out into the big city and got her own place and living on her own terms and is growing up and taking full responsibility for herself. I know it’s only a TV programme but she is an amazing character and is truly an inspiration and I am the sort to believe in signs of all kinds – I figured this was one.
But only two minutes into my plan and I’ve already quit. That’s kind of what it feels like. On the one hand, I feel like I have chickened out and have made excuses (it’s too expensive), but on the other hand, I feel, realistically, I will not be able to afford it (without dipping into my savings a considerable amount) and maybe being at home isn’t that bad after all. For the past four days since viewing apartments and doing a bit of book keeping, I have felt very confused, excited, scared, worried, up, down, and more, all at the same time! It doesn’t half make you feel sick! Even just yesterday I spoke with a friend who wasn’t so supportive at first, but then talking with her, she completely changed her tune and encouraged me during my moment of great vulnerability. I felt so good and positive about the situation again and immediately contacted the estate agents of the place I really liked and set up another appointment. Later on in the evening and as I woke up this morning, I made the firm decision NOT to move out. It seems I may have been hovering over the nest for a few seconds, unsure of which direction to take. I am now firmly settled back into the comfort and convenience of home life. I figure my friends, my workplaces, my life is all here (for now), why uproot and distance myself unless and until I really need to? Anyway, what’s meant to be will be. If I am supposed to move out this year, then so be it, I’ll make it happen and it will feel right and I won’t feel so strange about it. Otherwise, I’m going to carry on as I am and try to make a life for myself in the situation I am in.
To think, it’s THE wedding this weekend. I haven’t even been able to give much thought to it as this moving out malarkey has been dominating my thoughts. Now that I feel sure about my decision not to move, I think I can spare a day for the bride-to-be!
Read my previous job logs
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